


Okay

by qualmsoffyre



Category: Fringe (TV)
Genre: F/F, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-04-21 10:14:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14282727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qualmsoffyre/pseuds/qualmsoffyre
Summary: Olivia is home after her ordeal in the alternate universe, but she doesn't find comfort with Peter, and really, after what he did, should she?





	1. Chapter 1

The shower was wonderful, in the way that showers are always wonderful after a day where you’d rather die than be anywhere in the entire world. Or both worlds. 

Olivia would rather be dead than be in either world. But the shower made her feel better. She dried her hair and put on her black robe, slowly walking to the closet. She had to take her time now; did her memory really tell her the truth? She was having more trouble than usual trusting herself. But no, the clothes, the closet, everything was still where it should be. 

Except it wasn’t. She had been gone for months, and everything was still the same, like someone had lived in her house. Rationally, she knew that someone had lived in her house. Of course, she knew. Broyles had told her, but this was different. This was the visceral understanding that someone had taken over her life, and lived it like she was supposed to be living it. 

She picked up one black sweater. It felt wrong in her hands. Dirty. Impossibly not hers, even though she knew she bought it for herself. 

Olivia began ripping the clothes off the hangers. Nothing in here was hers anymore. It had been stolen, worn by the woman who had ruined her life. 

Next was the bed. Someone else slept in it. Dirty. Someone else’s body belonged where hers did not. Tearing the sheets off was cathartic, but she wished she were back in that shower, where nothing was real, and she could pretend everything was fine. 

Olivia brought her soiled sheets to the washer, assuming everything would be fine once she had cleaned up. Everything would go back to normal, and she would move on with her life, and everything would be fine. But the washer held her next surprise: an M.I.T. t-shirt. 

Her alternate had taken everything, even Peter. Peter, her savior, the only reason she was back in her world. And he had betrayed her. God. Everything was not fine. 

Nothing was going to be fine. 

Finally, the emotions she had held inside for so long boiled to the surface. She sunk to the floor, still holding the t-shirt, crying into it, trying to find that one shred of comfort she knew had been there before, but there was nothing. Nothing was going to be fine.


	2. Chapter 2

There was a knock. Olivia knew it would be Peter. Who else could it be at 3 in the morning? The other insomniac of their little family. She wanted nothing to do with him, so she sat leaned up against the washing machine, making no noise until he went away. Why wouldn’t he just go away? He knew what he had done. 

“Olivia?” a voice called. It wasn’t Peter. It was soft and gentle, worried. 

Olivia got up slowly, dizzy from the short sobs that had barely stopped. She steadied herself against the wall, and carefully made her way to the door. 

“Olivia!” the voice called again, a little more urgently. “Hey are you okay? I just wanted to see if you were okay.” Olivia was still in her robe, and her eyes were clouded, and it was 3am, but it wasn’t Peter, so she was going to be okay. She gently pulled the chain from her door, and unlocked the knob cautiously. A shock of black curls and a small brown face stared at her from the other side. 

“Hey,” Astrid said gently. “Walter has been so worried about you, and he wanted Peter to come check on you, but I said I would. I was worried too, you know. You weren’t answering your phone.”

“Sorry,” Olivia replied curtly. “I’ve been busy.”

“Can I come in?” Astrid asked, looking carefully at Olivia’s face, pretending that she couldn’t see the tear stains. 

“Uh, it’s kind of late. Or early. Shouldn’t you be getting home?” asked Olivia, but her voice faltered, and Astrid knew she needed some company tonight. 

“Don’t worry about me. Walter had me doing experiments all evening, and now my brain is running in circles,” Astrid laughed. “I couldn’t sleep even if I wanted to.” Olivia opened the door wider to let her in. 

As she walked past Olivia into her apartment, she couldn’t see the small, sad smile that played on Olivia’s face while she gently shut the door. Olivia didn’t believe it either. Nothing was going to be fine, but for one second, she thought she might be okay if Astrid were here for the night.


	3. Chapter 3

Astrid led herself into the kitchen while Olivia trailed behind, still lost in her own thoughts. At 3am, what did you do for someone who had gone through the unimaginable? Astrid took off her coat, hung it on a vacant chair, and went over to the fridge. 

Empty. Of course it was empty. She was so stupid to think that Olivia would have bought groceries for herself when she could barely stand. She remembered Olivia, then, who had gone strangely quiet, and Astrid turned to find herself alone in the kitchen. 

“Olivia?” she called again. Where had she gone? “Olivia, I’m just going to make some hot chocolate, okay? Olivia?” Surely there had to be at least enough cocoa in the house for two mugs worth; it was Olivia’s favorite non-alcoholic beverage, after all. 

But there was no response from her friend. Astrid walked over to the door to the bedroom. She knocked carefully, not wanting to frighten Olivia, or startle her, in case she had forgotten Astrid was there. Once again she was left with silence. 

“Olivia, I’m coming into this room,” she announced with just a hint of fear in her voice. She pushed the door slowly open to reveal a sad sight that made her heart jerk with pain. 

Olivia sat on the floor, surrounded by her black wardrobe, silent tears falling onto a grey t-shirt. Astrid could just see the letter “M” around the fists clutching and pulling at the material. 

“Hey,” Astrid spoke gently, “I’m gonna make you some hot chocolate okay?” She crouched down next to Olivia, so their faces were even. Astrid looked closely at her friend, whose dampened eyes shimmered with pain. “Let me help you sit on the bed. That’ll be more comfortable.”

Olivia shook her head. “I took all the sheets off… They’re in the washer… Or I was going to put them in…” She trailed off, and Astrid kindly stood, knowing Olivia didn’t like to be touched, especially when she was feeling emotionally vulnerable. 

“It’s okay. Here, why don’t you give me that shirt, and I’ll find some new sheets to put on. It’s good to start fresh anyway, right?” Astrid touched the grey t-shirt and though Olivia was reluctant, she let it go, taking handfuls of her blonde hair into her fists to replace the now-absent fabric. 

Astrid looked at the t-shirt as she walked to the nearly-empty closet to look for some clean sheets. M.I.T. it read. Peter. Olivia was still thinking about Peter.


	4. Chapter 4

Astrid got some plain grey sheets out of the closet, thinking sadly about what Olivia’s mind must be doing. The only thing that got her back from the other universe was Peter, she knew. Peter had come through all the other memories that they had given her, and he had stayed as a constant force in Olivia’s mind. And now he had betrayed her.

While Astrid knew how terrible Peter felt, and how much he wanted to apologize and love Olivia, she could also understand and empathize with Olivia. Olivia was in constant pain, because the one thing she held onto while she was trapped over there was no longer something she could rely on. 

These thoughts played through Astrid’s mind as she took the sheets back to the room where Olivia still sat huddled on the floor. 

“Hey,” Astrid murmured, her voice soft against Olivia’s sobs. “Hey, here are the sheets. Let me put them on for you, okay? And then maybe you could sleep for a little? That might be good for you.” 

Olivia shifted so her body was no longer against the bed, letting Astrid access the mattress, but she didn’t say anything. Astrid worked quickly, wanting to get Olivia to bed as soon as possible. She understood the healing power of a clean, warm blanket wrapped around a hurting heart. She pulled the last cover over the mattress, and then turned all the linens down to make a spot for Olivia to climb into. 

“Okay, Olivia,” she said carefully, “let me help you into bed now. The sheets are clean. It’s ready for you.” Olivia didn’t say anything. She didn’t move. “Olivia? Okay, I’m going to touch your arm so I can help you into bed.”

Astrid slowly reached for Olivia, not wanting to hurt her or scare her, and found her arm. While the audible sobs had stopped, Olivia’s body still shook with emotion that she was trying to control around Astrid. Astrid gently pulled, and Olivia’s body--nearly limp--slowly stood, while her head still hung. Astrid had no idea what she was thinking; all she could tell was that Olivia was in great pain. 

She guided her friend to the bed, and lightly pressed her body into the jumble of blankets and pillows. “You sleep now, okay?” she said to Olivia. “I’m just going to be out in the living room if you need me. Just call me if you need me, okay? I’ll be just reading for a little while.”

Astrid let go of Olivia’s arm, and started toward the door when she heard the tiniest sound. She paused and tilted her head, then moved forward again, thinking the noise had just been in her head. 

“Wait.”

Louder, Astrid heard Olivia’s voice. She turned back to Olivia, who was in the bed, head on the pillow, with her face tear-stained and her arm outstretched. 

“Don’t go.”

Astrid walked back to the bed, puzzled by the request from Olivia, and gently took her hand. “You want me to stay?” Astrid asked carefully. 

“Yes,” replied Olivia. “Please stay with me. I can’t be alone.”

“You should still sleep,” Astrid said. “Let me go get a chair from the kitchen. I’ll just be a second. You won’t even notice I’m gone.”

“NO!” Olivia yelled, panicking. “Don’t leave me! Don’t leave!”

Astrid was shocked, but stayed where she was. “Okay, I’ll sit on the bed, don’t worry. I won’t leave you. I won’t leave you.” She sat down in a place where she could still hold Olivia’s hand, and could still see her wet face. Olivia’s eyes closed, one tear leaking out onto the pillow. 

“Just hold onto me, okay?” Olivia whispered hoarsely. “Just promise you won’t leave me here alone.”

“I won’t. I’ll be here when you wake up. Just sleep,” Astrid whispered back. “Just sleep.”


	5. Chapter 5

Olivia hated what she had done, but the disgust at keeping Astrid in her room was overpowered by the overwhelming desire to be close to someone she could trust. She needed the body heat, and the company, and the love that radiated from her friend. 

Her eyes were closed, but tears slowly rolled down her cheeks. She listened to Astrid’s breathing and tried to match her own to it, a calming mechanism. She felt Astrid’s hand in her own, and she knew that Astrid wasn’t lying to her: she would still be here if Olivia fell asleep. 

In the dark room, with Astrid’s body close--but not too close--Olivia felt better. Not great, not even good, but she had that feeling again that she would be okay, just for a little while. She let her mind relax, and fall into a sleep that she desperately needed. 

And she was staring at Walternate, watching him walk away from her as she lay on the floor of a concrete cell. Peter floated behind him, a phantom, or a ghost. Or a memory? His face contorted and he said words she couldn’t make out, but the jeer on his face said enough. He embraced Olivia, but it wasn’t Olivia. It was the woman who stole Peter from Olivia. They laughed. They kissed. 

“Olivia!” It was Astrid. Why was Astrid there? She hadn’t come to the Other Side. “Olivia!” Astrid again. Astrid again? 

“You’re okay, Olivia, it was just a dream. I’m still here,” Astrid said, trying to shake Olivia awake, but also aware that Olivia was capable doing her bodily harm if she was started or frightened. Olivia opened her eyes, and tears that had pooled behind her lids flowed out in a waterfall. 

“I thought--I saw,” Olivia started, but couldn’t go on. She heaved a sigh that turned into a deep, deep sob that came all the way from her chest. Astrid gently left her hand on Olivia’s shoulder, and Olivia leaned into the contact. She didn’t know why she wanted this from Astrid, but she knew it felt okay. Once the sobs had started, they couldn’t stop. And Olivia felt ashamed still, and again, but Astrid didn’t look put off, from what Olivia could see through the tears. 

“Shh, you’re okay,” Astrid murmured. “I’m here, and you’re okay, and you’re you, not her.” Olivia nodded, and to her surprise--and Astrid’s--she leaned closer into Astrid’s body. It was warm, and small, but soft and… good? Astrid slowly lifted her own arms, responding to Olivia’s need, and wrapped her friend in an embrace. 

Astrid murmured soft comforting sounds to Olivia, and she felt herself begin to calm. Why did she feel good in Astrid’s arms? She didn’t need comfort from friends like this, not in a physical way, and yet here she was, sitting in a tight hug that was making her feel loved in way she didn’t know if she had felt ever before in her life. Astrid loved her, and didn’t want anything from her at all. 

Astrid pressed her lips carefully to Olivia’s forehead, careful as always not to startle her. Olivia looked up at Astrid, face still wet, but eyes clear. “Astrid,” she started, but became distracted as Astrid brushed her hands through Olivia’s hair. 

“You’re okay,” Astrid said again. “We’re both here, and I won’t let anything happen to you.” 

“I know,” responded Olivia, bowing her head again, secretly hoping Astrid might brush her face with her lips again. “I know, Astrid. Astrid?”

“Yes?”

“Could you maybe hold me while I try and sleep?” Olivia asked. “I’m still tired, but I think maybe I would sleep better if I knew you were here.”

“Sure,” she said back, turning down the other side of the bed. “Let’s sleep.” She touched Olivia’s face, and brushed the bangs that were growing out slowly out of her eyes. Olivia got her wish, as Astrid briefly kissed her on the temple as they lay down, Astrid with her arm around Olivia’s waist.


	6. Chapter 6

The sun streamed in through the window, illuminating the bed, and shining into Olivia’s eyes. She jerked up-right, startling Astrid, who barely contained a quiet shout. 

“Olivia! Are you okay?” she prodded, as she slowly heard her friend’s breathing slow. “What time is it? Are you okay? Do you want something to eat?” Her instinct to care for Olivia had awoken just as suddenly as her body. 

“I… I’m okay,” Olivia breathed, still thinking deeply about the night that had passed. Astrid had held her. Had she ever been held like that before? Astrid expected nothing and wanted to give everything so that Olivia could feel safe. Shaking her head, she turned and looked into Astrid’s bright eyes. 

“I think… I don’t know. Astrid, thank you for staying with me last night. I know it was probably weird for you but--” 

“No!” Astrid interrupted. “Olivia, no, I just wanted to help. You’re my friend, and I love you, and we are going to get through this, okay? You and me, we are going to do whatever it takes to get you through this.” 

Sighing, Olivia said, “I just, I just usually don’t need this. I should be stronger than this. I should be able to make my own damn bed without help!” She tossed her sheets aside and rose from the bed. 

Astrid stood too, knowing Olivia could be on the verge of another breakdown. “Olivia, listen to me. This is not an everyday experience; you can still be strong even if this is hard. Needing help doesn’t make you weak! I am here for you.”

Olivia paced, glancing furtively at the bathroom door, open and welcoming her to a much needed escape. But Astrid deserved at least some explanation for her behavior last night in the bed and this morning. She sighed again, more deeply, a sad sigh. 

“Astrid, listen,” she began. “It’s just, you know, it’s not that I don’t appreciate everything you did for me. I… don’t know how to do this. Last night… Last night…” Her voice faltered. Astrid walked towards her, carefully taking her hand and leading her back to the bed where they could both sit and be close. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Astrid murmured. “Just take your time. I’m here and I’m listening.”

“Ugh, it’s just like that! You’re so nice to me, and I’m just… I don’t know if I can be nice to you like you want me to be… This makes no sense. I’m making no sense, Astrid I’m sorry.”

“Olivia, just take it slow. What do you mean you can’t be nice like I want you to be?”

“Astrid, last night you kissed my forehead. But… I wanted more than that. But I still love Peter. I want you like I want Peter, but somehow I still feel like I owe something to Peter. I just… I don’t want to hurt you. Or him, I guess.” 

Astrid’s eyes widened. “Listen. Olivia. You love Peter. I understand that. But he hurt you. You don’t owe him anything. I know that’s easy for me to say, but you have to live your own life, you have to be authentic to yourself. As for me, I’ve loved you for a while. But you know our friendship is the most important thing to me. If you need or want more, I would be glad to become that part of your life, but only if you’re comfortable. Olivia, I just want you to be okay.”

They sat in silence, on Olivia’s bed, not looking at each other. Olivia’s confession of love had taken a lot of mental and emotional energy, and she didn’t know if she could respond to Astrid. Astrid sat quietly beside her, letting her process. 

Nearly ten minutes later, Olivia finally looked up, and found Astrid’s eyes already gazing towards her pale face. 

“Astrid?” Olivia asked tentatively. 

“Olivia?” she called back. 

“Astrid I think I know what I want.”

“Sure, Olivia. Whatever you decide. What will help make this better for you?”

“Astrid? Kiss me.”


End file.
